{"id":1043,"date":"2023-01-13T13:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-01-13T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/2023\/01\/13\/thanks-for-giving-me-the-exact-compliment-i-definitely-wasnt-fishing-for\/"},"modified":"2023-01-13T13:00:00","modified_gmt":"2023-01-13T13:00:00","slug":"thanks-for-giving-me-the-exact-compliment-i-definitely-wasnt-fishing-for","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/2023\/01\/13\/thanks-for-giving-me-the-exact-compliment-i-definitely-wasnt-fishing-for\/","title":{"rendered":"Thanks for Giving Me the Exact Compliment I Definitely Wasn\u2019t Fishing For"},"content":{"rendered":"

L<\/span>inda, thank you so much for giving me the exact compliment I definitely wasn\u2019t fishing for. I so appreciate that you noticed, on your own, how my hair was curled in perfect beachy waves. I really wasn\u2019t expecting you to say anything! I was just flashing my big puppy dog eyes and wondering aloud if my hair looked hideous and ratty like an overstuffed wasp nest. I didn\u2019t even think you heard my medium-quiet whisper!<\/p>\n

You really didn\u2019t have to be so sweet. I know I ranted for a while about how it doesn\u2019t take a genius to figure out their hairstyle, so I must be extra dumb since I still don\u2019t know how to handle my own monstrosity. But all of that was just me blabbering on to myself. For you to then respond by saying it always looks like I just stepped out of Dry Bar? You are too nice! How do you even know that\u2019s the salon I go to?<\/p>\n

*shrugs Dry Bar tote bag up higher on shoulder*<\/em><\/p>\n

It’s so kind of you to say all that, especially considering I didn’t even ask. Seriously, are you a psychic or something? How did you know that was exactly what I needed to hear? \u2018Cause for the record, I totally didn’t ask and I never would. I think it\u2019s humiliating to fish for compliments. People who do that are just disguising their narcissism with insults, and I am NOT one of those people. I earnestly have a really low self-esteem and a depressing inner monologue. It sucks. But my utter lack of success and horrible personality are none of your concern.<\/p>\n

*pauses, sighs for dramatic effect*<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m really glad I ran into you though. I usually hate going to Starbucks this early because everyone looks way more put together than me, but seeing you just made my day. For real though, how good does everyone look? I don\u2019t know how they do it. I hardly finished doing the left half of my face before I ran out the door. And you can tell, I mean look at my eyebrows. They\u2019re so uneven and overgrown, they\u2019re like a forest. Like a deciduous forest that\u2019s thick with trees and hairy shrubs. Like a dirty, impenetrable forest that you have to hack your way through to even enter. Like a terrifying\u2013<\/p>\n

Girl, stop! You really don\u2019t have to tell me that\u2019s not true. You\u2019re, like, the kindest person ever.<\/p>\n

I can’t even begin to tell you how much this conversation has meant to me. But you must get that all the time since you’re the world’s most thoughtful human. Ugh, your life must be so amazing. You must be constantly showered with love and appreciation and I assume unbelievable sex. You\u2019re probably getting railed, what, four, five times a week? God, you\u2019re lucky. My husband only touches me once a month. And sure it’s the wildest, freakiest, and most acrobatic night of my life, but it doesn\u2019t come around that often.<\/p>\n

*ten-second sigh*<\/em><\/p>\n

Anyway, I should probably go. My company\u2019s about to name me \u201cEmployee of the Month,\u201d which I don\u2019t even deserve. All the sales I make are totally bogus because I basically make up my pitches on the spot. It\u2019s like, have I ever heard of planning? I can\u2019t even believe I make money at this job since most of my ideas are total garbage. Truly, I feel like every time I open my mouth it sounds like I just learned how to speak yesterday.<\/p>\n

\u2026right?<\/p>\n

Linda?<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t you disagree\u2026?<\/p>\n

Wow ok, way to be rude. No, obviously I\u2019m not expecting you to respond, I\u2019m NOT fishing, I just didn\u2019t think my friend would say that stuff about me. I\u2019m a little surprised. I guess this means we\u2019re not friends after all. I guess the only person I can really trust is myself. My stupid, naive, idiotic, ugly little self\u2026<\/p>\n

*flashes puppy dog eyes, somehow bigger this time*<\/em><\/p>\n

WOW.<\/p>\n

Still nothing!? I can\u2019t believe you. You know what, you\u2019re actually a very rude person. A real friend would tell me I\u2019m hotter than everyone here, including yourself. You really need to trim your eyebrows, Linda. Have a nice life.<\/p>\n

Read More<\/a>\u00a0<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Linda, thank you so much for giving me the exact compliment I definitely wasn\u2019t fishing for. I so appreciate that you noticed, on your own, how my hair was curled in perfect beachy waves. I really wasn\u2019t expecting you to say anything! I was just flashing my big puppy dog eyes and wondering aloud if […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":1044,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1043","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/women-talking-1024x512-gqwgmP.jpeg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1043"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1043"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1043\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1044"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1043"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1043"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1043"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}