{"id":903,"date":"2023-01-09T13:00:30","date_gmt":"2023-01-09T13:00:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/2023\/01\/09\/this-car-sticker-of-guns-is-my-family-and-it-is-just-as-sad-as-it-sounds\/"},"modified":"2023-01-09T13:00:30","modified_gmt":"2023-01-09T13:00:30","slug":"this-car-sticker-of-guns-is-my-family-and-it-is-just-as-sad-as-it-sounds","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/2023\/01\/09\/this-car-sticker-of-guns-is-my-family-and-it-is-just-as-sad-as-it-sounds\/","title":{"rendered":"This Car Sticker of Guns Is My Family, and It Is Just as Sad as It Sounds"},"content":{"rendered":"

O<\/span>h, so you\u2019ve got one of those little stick figure family decals on your windshield? I guess that scrawny little \u201cdad\u201d cartoon does capture your likeness. Yeah, I\u2019ve got something like that on my truck. It\u2019s right there above the plastic nut sack hanging off my trailer hitch. Meet my family. It\u2019s a collection of firearms.<\/p>\n

And guess what? I\u2019m incredibly lonely.<\/p>\n

My sticker is hilarious because instead of a normie cartoon of my nonexistent wife and darling children, I\u2019ve got two big guns to represent the mommy and the daddy, and then some smaller guns for the children, and the grenade is\u2014you ready for this\u2014the infant! Killer, right?<\/p>\n

Ya see, I bought this sticker because, number one, I love guns. Number two, I hate those lame family stickers that chodes like you put on their wimpy hybrids. And number three, I\u2019m so desperate for any physical contact I figured this would allow me to pick fights with random strangers in parking lots.<\/p>\n

But now I\u2019m beginning to think this novelty decal I bought at a gun show may have been a way for me to subconsciously address my fear of dying alone and unloved. Or maybe it\u2019s just that guns are rad and I\u2019m a total alpha. At this point, the reason for my purchase remains undetermined!<\/p>\n

Also, I\u2019m not a pussy. But if I was, I would be very disturbed by the implication that guns reproduce, and small guns such as Rugers are the result of two big assault rifles copulating. To be clear, despite owning this sticker I do not believe that Smith & Wesson factory workers are dropping big guns into a pen and coaxing them into reproducing like pandas at a zoo.<\/p>\n

Besides, how could an AK-47 and an M14 rifle make a shotgun baby, anyway? Is there some form of adoption in the gun family world? Or did the AK cheat on the M14 while it was serving in Iraq? It doesn\u2019t make sense.<\/p>\n

Now you\u2019re probably asking, \u201cIf this is your family, does that make you the daddy to these guns?\u201d Good question, nerd. In fact, it\u2019s one I\u2019ve spent much time ruminating upon because again, I am achingly lonely. While yes, the guns are more or less my entire personality, and I do spend much of my free time caring for them, taking them out to the firing range, and dressing them in little colonial outfits I ordered from the American Girl store, the answer is no, I am not the guns\u2019 daddy. I am very much aware my guns will never replace the warmth and affection that only a real, human family could bring.<\/p>\n

Either way, let my sticker be a reminder to you and all the lib betas such as yourself\u2014when you\u2019re out in the world doing weak-ass shit like taking your kid to ballet class, I\u2019m polishing my AR-15. When you\u2019re helping your son with his AP calculus homework, I\u2019m cleaning my Remington 750. And when you\u2019re making love to your wife like a total cuck, I\u2019m eating a cheese sandwich over my bathroom sink because I don\u2019t have any clean plates, and then I\u2019m cleaning my Glock 9mm.<\/p>\n

Read More<\/a>\u00a0<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Oh, so you\u2019ve got one of those little stick figure family decals on your windshield? I guess that scrawny little \u201cdad\u201d cartoon does capture your likeness. Yeah, I\u2019ve got something like that on my truck. It\u2019s right there above the plastic nut sack hanging off my trailer hitch. Meet my family. It\u2019s a collection of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":904,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-903","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/sad-guy-tough-guns-sticker-car-1024x512-TbEDqs.jpeg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/903"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=903"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/903\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/904"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=903"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=903"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=903"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}