{"id":977,"date":"2023-01-11T13:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-01-11T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/2023\/01\/11\/a-guide-to-the-various-women-of-my-dreams\/"},"modified":"2023-01-11T13:00:00","modified_gmt":"2023-01-11T13:00:00","slug":"a-guide-to-the-various-women-of-my-dreams","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/2023\/01\/11\/a-guide-to-the-various-women-of-my-dreams\/","title":{"rendered":"A Guide to the Various Women of My Dreams"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Woman in the Field of Daisies:<\/strong> We met on a perfect day, the flowers dotting the hills as far as the eye could see. On the horizon, windmills, lazily pushing clouds across a crystalline blue sky. We didn\u2019t talk; we didn\u2019t need to. She was everything. Compliment.<\/em><\/p>\n

The Bog Witch:<\/strong> A real piece of work. As soon as the dream began, I was sinking into her mud; she\u2019d made it in her hut to stop me from leaving. Her screech sounded like a dying crow eating glass, and every time I refused to marry her, she tore her skin off with her long, thick nails. Insult.<\/em><\/p>\n

The Capable Ice Road Trucker:<\/strong> Awakened a fantasy I didn\u2019t know I had. She was a strong woman, one who made you feel as safe in her arms as you did in her big rig. I should have felt the winter night\u2019s cold as we made love on Lake Superior under the stars, but the heat of our passion cloaked me like an erotic duvet. Compliment.<\/em><\/p>\n

The Priest Who Challenged Me to a Rap Battle at My Nephew\u2019s Baptism:<\/strong> We\u2019d just gathered around my sister\u2019s beautiful boy when the organ busted out a funky riff\u2014never a good sign. Before I knew it, a woman of the cloth named Lil Vicar was calling his anointment a disappointment. I tried to rap about religious bigotry, but my flow was all off and the judges in the pews booed me out. Insult.<\/em><\/p>\n

The Woman Who Said It Would All Be Okay:<\/strong> After Dad passed, I was in a rough spot. I didn\u2019t let myself sleep for days; I didn\u2019t want to wake up in a world without him. But I couldn\u2019t do it forever, and when I dreamt, I found myself in a warm room with a woman in blue. She took me into her arms, letting me cry while memories of him flashed through my mind. She gave me peace, something I can never repay. Compliment.<\/em><\/p>\n

Six Leg Susie:<\/strong> I\u2019ve never liked a woman who scuttles. I knew I wouldn\u2019t be a fan of Susie when she crawled out from behind the dumpsters, her eyes full of hate and her mouth full of blood. I could look past all that; it was the six-legged low-rise jeans that turned me off for good. Insult.<\/em><\/p>\n

The Girl Reading This <3:<\/strong> Of course it\u2019s you; it\u2019s always been you. It\u2019s the way you light up every room you walk into, the way you gasp when your favorite song comes on (even though you queued it), the way you say every vowel in \u201ccaramel.\u201d There\u2019s nothing I want more than to start our forever together. Compliment.<\/em><\/p>\n

The Girl Reading My Old Neopets Fanfic Aloud Wherever I Go:<\/strong> We all have demons from our past, and now the teenager ringing me up at Kroger knows mine. Insult.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read More<\/a>\u00a0<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Woman in the Field of Daisies: We met on a perfect day, the flowers dotting the hills as far as the eye could see. On the horizon, windmills, lazily pushing clouds across a crystalline blue sky. We didn\u2019t talk; we didn\u2019t need to. She was everything. Compliment. The Bog Witch: A real piece of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":978,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-977","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/woman-sleeping-1024x512-v7No8p.jpeg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/977"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=977"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/977\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/978"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=977"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=977"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loonregistrar.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=977"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}