Mitch McConnell Donates Body To Lobbyists For Research
WASHINGTON—In what many of his congressional colleagues have described as the most noble act of his storied career, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) announced Thursday that…
Biden Physician Mistakenly Performs Autopsy For First 10 Minutes Of Physical
WASHINGTON—Detecting signs of life only after a lengthy period of cutting Read more… The Onion
McConnell To Step Down As Republican Leader
Sen. Mitch McConnell will step down as Republican party leader at the end of this year after 17 years in the position, though he will remain in…
Man Rubbing Belly Button On Public Bus Would Like To Be Friends
This is a developing story. Please check theonion.com for more. Read more… The Onion
Pros And Cons Of IDF Soldiers Posting On TikTok
Since the war in Gaza began, members of the Israeli Defense Forces have uploaded viral videos in which they brag about—and often show themselves— destroying Palestinian homes,…
Quiz: How Much Do You Know About IVF?
In vitro fertilization is believed to have helped couples conceive more than 10 million children since 1978. But a state court’s ruling that embryos in a lab…
FAQ About Giggles ‘N Scales, Florida’s Only Combination Daycare and Alligator Sanctuary
Q: Just what is Giggles ‘n Scales? A: Located on twelve acres of pristine wetland, Giggles ‘n Scales is a wildlife sanctuary with over seventy-five alligators, as…
Foreign Zoo Has Cage Where Visitors Can Box Lion
NESSEBAR, BULGARIA—Lamenting that such an enterprise could never exist in the United States, vacationing sources confirmed Thursday that the foreign zoo they were visiting had a cage…
Macy’s To Close 150 Stores As It Focuses On Indonesian Terrorist Division
NEW YORK—In an effort to cut costs and modernize its core business, department store chain Macy’s announced a major restructuring this week, saying it would close 150…
Terrible Willy Wonka “Immersive Chocolate Experience” Goes Viral
When a real-life “Willy’s Chocolate Experience” event in Glasgow, Scotland, surfaced on the internet, many people rushed to buy a ticket for it to enjoy the experience…