Subway Admits Chicken And Bacon Ranch Melt Also Sexually Attracted To Children

SHELTON, CT—Saying it had severed all ties with the sandwich in the wake of disturbing new evidence from a federal investigation, the fast food franchise Subway confirmed Monday that its Chicken and Bacon Ranch Melt was also sexually attracted to children and facing prison time for its abuse of minors. “Sadly, it…

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The Onion 

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