MLB Loses Millions of Stats In Warehouse Fire
SAN FRANCISCO—As front-office executives surveyed the damage done to their record-keeping facility, Major League Baseball announced Monday that it had lost millions of stats Monday in a…
Photo Of Garden Cucumbers Sent To Father Unleashes Torrent Of Unbridled Criticism
SCHAUMBURG, IL—Admitting that he should frankly know better than to share anything at this point, local man Jason Dearborn told reporters Monday that sending a photo of…
Democrats Panic After Kamala Harris Ages 40 Years In Single Night
WASHINGTON—Arriving for a campaign strategy session with the vice president and staring in disbelief at her frail, hunched-over form, top Democratic Party officials reportedly began panicking Monday…
News Happening Faster Than Man Can Generate Uninformed Opinions
NEW YORK—Calling out the unsustainable pace at which historic events seemed to be occurring, local man Brad Gifford told reporters Monday that important news stories were now…
Study Finds Smacking Own Head Yelling ‘Stupid, Stupid’ Could Be Early Sign Of Low Self-Esteem
JACKSONVILLE, FL—Shedding new light on the role of self-perception in human psychology, a new study published Monday by the Mayo Clinic found that smacking one’s own head…
As Your Dentist, I’m Required to Floss You So Hard That Your Soul Leaves Your Body
Huh, you floss every day? Your plaque levels tell me otherwise. Don’t worry, I’m happy to demonstrate the proper method. I’ll begin by pulling 90% of the…
Cave Discovered On Moon Could One Day House Humans
Scientists have confirmed the discovery of a cave on the moon not far from where Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin landed 55 years ago, with potentially hundreds…
Artist Profile: Chappell Roan
Chappell Roan, the breakout artist behind hits such as “Hot To Go!” and “Good Luck, Babe!” has experienced a meteoric rise in popularity, drawing massive crowds at…
Medieval Branding: Famous Logos Recreated As Medieval Brands
Ilya Denisov (also known as Ilya Stallone) has created a series of works “Medieval Branding” where he reimagines what the logos of famous modern brands would look…