RIO DE JANEIRO—In the wake of a pro-Bolsonaro mob storming the nation’s capital, Brazilians expressed terror Monday that the riot could lead to years of tedious congressional hearings. “Oh God, we’re going to have to sit through month after month of these bone-dry meetings where grandstanding politicians pat… Read more… The Onion
WASHINGTON—Following a tense four days in Congress’ lower chamber that saw members of his own party vote to deny him the top spot 14 straight times, Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) was elected speaker of the House early Saturday morning when the far-right GOP minority joined together with the rest of the far-right GOP… Read more… […]
Read more… The Onion
Oh, so you’ve got one of those little stick figure family decals on your windshield? I guess that scrawny little “dad” cartoon does capture your likeness. Yeah, I’ve got something like that on my truck. It’s right there above the plastic nut sack hanging off my trailer hitch. Meet my family. It’s a collection of […]
SANTA BARBARA, CA—Saying that the heart wants what the heart wants, local man Ross Weber told reporters Monday that he had a real thing for blond-haired, blue-eyed Aryans of pure breeding stock. “I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about a naturally blond woman with an undiluted bloodline and membership in… Read more… […]
CLEVELAND—Representing just one couple among millions who fall prey to the scam every year, Annalise and Patrick Callahan confirmed Monday they had lost their life savings after getting tricked into having their baby at the hospital. “These so-called healthcare officials assured us this was a safe and smart place to… Read more… The Onion
Read more… The Onion
HOUSTON—Calling on the community for assistance in closing an unsolved case, Houston police chief Jeff Sommer asked the public Monday for its help in falsifying a police report that would implicate local 24-year-old Terrence Carter in the crime. “In order to wrongfully accuse a suspect and take him into custody, we… Read more… The Onion
While European companies have begun experimenting with four-day workweeks, American companies have yet to adopt the practice. The Onion asked American CEOs to explain why they oppose a shorter workweek, and this is what they said. Read more… The Onion
So here’s something completely harmless, and in fact likely restorative, to obsess over: fluffy, shampooed and blow-dried cows. Scroll down to feast your eyes on these fine specimens! So what’s the story behind these shampooed cows? Long-held tradition of cattle shows are the ones to blame. Behind the now internet-famous fluffy cows phenomenon are families […]
