Searching for a job is never easy. How do you format a resume when a slight change in font size causes the whole document to melt down? Why do you need six years of experience for an entry-level job? These challenges can send even the most polished job hunter into a tailspin, so it makes sense that many consider grad school to improve their chances of securing a position.
If you’re thinking about applying to grad school: don’t. But if you do apply, make sure you’re going for the right reasons.
You Love Being in Debt
Not everybody was built to make good financial choices. Most people have the natural inclination to avoid debt, but if you have an insatiable lust for owing thousands of dollars to a university, then don’t let other people’s warnings slow you down. If lifelong monetary instability gives you a thrill, then apply to grad school.
Who knows? Maybe one day, you’ll be lucky enough to declare bankruptcy!
You Have No Connections
In an ideal world, your father is the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. But for most of us, dad’s just a mechanic or teacher or something. As a rule of thumb, if you can explain your father’s job in five words or less, then he can’t get you a job through nepotism. Take a moment to be angry with him for prioritizing work-life balance and spending time with you over a job at a company that would look great on your LinkedIn. Then, crack open that grad school application and get to work.
Someone Is Holding a Gun to Your Head
First of all, if someone is holding a gun to your head and insisting that you apply to grad school, you should always try to negotiate. Offer them your wallet. Give them your phone. If it comes down to it, take the GREs but don’t submit them anywhere.
Of course, if you’re dealing with a particularly aggressive attacker, you may have no choice but to apply to grad school. I’m sorry.
You Have Severe Amnesia
If you are suffering from total amnesia, you won’t remember your name, your age, or the long list of reasons why you shouldn’t apply to grad school. As a result, you can happily send out applications without remembering why you’re making a huge mistake.
To avoid this situation, make sure your emergency contact knows that you disdain grad school, and hope that they will be there to remind you of that fact if you’re rushed to the hospital with a head injury.
You Don’t Want to Pay for a Gym Membership
Joining a gym is expensive, but students can often use their campus gym for free. If you’re trying to save money on staying in shape, you can enroll as a graduate student at your local university and use the gym for no extra cost. You can even use the showers to save on your water bill!
You Collected Too Many Notebooks
You kept buying notebooks because you like the idea of using them, but you never got around to it and now you’re facing the consequences. What are you supposed to write on those blank pages? If you’re looking for ideas, take a few graduate classes. You’ll fill a few pages before you give up and switch to a laptop.
You Love Graduations
Remember your college graduation, where you sat in the blazing heat for three hours watching the worst public speaker you’ve ever seen call out thousands of names? Do you want to experience that again? You’re stronger than me. Apply to grad school.
Outside of these scenarios, you should not apply to grad school.
Oh, the educational opportunities? Yeah, those are also pretty good reasons. Sure.
