The Worst Surfaces for a Dramatic Pre-Sex Desk Sweep

Your workstation (you’re a blacksmith)
Your laboratory (you’re a chemist whose research specializes in acid)
A to-scale Lego diorama of the entire Chicago skyline that you just finished
Your grandmother’s open casket
A running belt sander
The second to-scale Lego diorama you have built in the last two weeks of the entire Chicago skyline
The standing desk that you’re going to try to lift her onto, but will fail and it’s going to be embarrassing and that’ll be how you both know the spark has officially died
The stage of your nephew’s 5th-grade talent show where he’s attempting to tie the cup stacking world record
The Resolute desk in the Oval Office (you’re not the president and the Secret Service will be there any second)
The Resolute desk in the Oval Office (you are the president but that’s not your wife, Mr. Clinton)
The desk of your 5th-grade nephew’s dean during a meeting discussing “the talent show incident”
A bed of only one nail
The podium where you are being cross-examined during the hearing for your “indecent exposure” at your nephew’s 5th-grade talent show
The third to-scale Lego diorama you have built in the last two weeks of the entire Chicago skyline that’s now missing a few pieces
A really cool domino course you set up

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