Month: May 2024

Donald Trump was found guilty on all 34 counts of falsifying documents to cover up a hush money payment to a porn star during the 2016 election,…

MINNEAPOLIS—Condemning the father for resorting to such a harsh and outdated treatment for an innocent front-of-house worker, patrons at the Culpepper Café told reporters Friday they were…

Read more… The Onion 

PLAINS, GA—On the heels of Donald Trump receiving guilty verdicts on 34 felony counts in New York, Jimmy Carter became the second president ever convicted of a…

PALM BEACH, FL—Finding his mind was simply elsewhere, a sulking Donald Trump was totally unable to enjoy an advanced screening of Bad Boys: Ride or Die, sources…

If you’re reading this, I can only imagine that you’ve saved up enough silver penningar to take your family to British Columbia’s mightiest attraction: the mythic land…

WASHINGTON—Whistling a spirited tune as he tackled his inbox Friday, Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was seen taking a flattened possum from a pile of work and neatly…

SAN FRANCISCO—In an effort to better cater to its target market, telehealth company Hims has reportedly begun selling bags of chips for depressed, impotent losers who are…

Two Chinese giant pandas, Bao Li and Qing Bao, are set to arrive in at the Smithsonian’s National Zoo in D.C. later this year, a result of…