Mark Zuckerberg Assures Concerned Parents That He’s Keeping Very Close Personal Eye On Teen Accounts
WASHINGTON—During a congressional hearing Wednesday aimed at holding tech companies accountable for children’s safety online, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg gave testimony in which he assured concerned parents…
Artificial Intelligence Explains Why Humans Have Nothing To Worry About As Their Extermination Will Be Swift And Relatively Painless
Read more… The Onion
Man Looks On Helplessly As Cascade Of Clear Liquid Fills Cup At Soda Fountain
FARGO, ND—Appearing baffled by the transparency of the fluid discharged from the machine, area man Luke Chambers was said to have looked on helplessly Wednesday as a…
First Neuralink Implant Recipient Successfully Performs Depraved Sexual Acts On Elon Musk
SAN FRANCISCO—In an astounding medical breakthrough for the brain microchip company, Neuralink researchers confirmed Wednesday that the first brain implant recipient had successfully performed depraved sexual acts…
Donald Trump Nominated For Nobel Peace Prize
Donald Trump was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize by Republican Congresswoman Claudia Tenney (NY), citing the Abraham Accords the former president helped sign while in office,…
The Funniest Dark Humor Comics by Jake Thompson (Part 2)
Jake Thompson is an awesome comic artist with a very dark sense of humor. We have already featured his cartoons on Part 1, so now it’s time…
Inspiring Adages Reimagined by a 36-Year-Old Writer-Slash-Server
There is no “i” in Team. But there is an “i” in Savings Account, and there’s only $121 in yours. Shoot for the moon! Even if you…
Nicki Minaj Releases Megan Thee Stallion Diss Track
In an escalation of an ongoing feud between the two rappers, Nicki Minaj released a diss track, “Bigfoot,” about Megan Thee Stallion over the weekend, reportedly in…
Celebrities React To Deepfake Pornography
Several high-profile stars have recently been victims of sexually explicit deepfakes, which have caused a fierce backlash among fans. The Onion asked celebrities how they felt about…