I get it. My boyfriend isn’t as kind to me as you, someone who loves me, would like. He’s late for important stuff, he doesn’t retain anything when I speak, and he can’t close his eyes completely like a Furby, but when you actually break it down, none of those are his fault because he was hurt in a previous relationship, and that’s just his eyes.
Do I wish he would have attended our date as planned to celebrate my promotion? I do. But I can’t expect him to just show up when he says he was in a really painful relationship in the past and that taught him that he needs to prioritize his OWN needs even when mine exist and are more reasonable. When he says he needs to go to the driving range instead of maintaining the dinner reservation he suggested, I need to listen to him. It’s my duty as a caring partner. And I needed to be the one to call the restaurant because when he hears hold music he becomes soothed and tries to close his eyes completely and then he feels disappointed, and I could never consciously put him in a position to feel that way.
He was broken up with once, so we can’t expect him to be anywhere on time, as planned, or wearing an outfit appropriate for the occasion. And he’s actually listening very intently, it’s not staring, he can blink, he’s just not choosing to because he’s completely engaged in the person he’s talking to.
Again, he CAN blink, it is a blink, it just doesn’t look like how you and I blink, but it is technically blinking and it serves the same purpose for him physiologically.
You think it’s weird that he didn’t come to my birthday party? You guys, his ex-girlfriend who he thought he was going to marry had a birthday party, I would never do that to him, that’s so triggering. Plus the stimulation of loud bars and parties really freaks him out because even when he closes his eyes, they don’t close all the way so the stimuli just keep happening and he has no visual break, so it’s like being stuck inside an arcade, but not in the fun way like when he goes to an arcade.
I know, we all wish this connection could happen with someone who was more emotionally available, but he’s been in a relationship that ended, so I really can’t rush him. I’ve never felt the way I feel when he looks at me. And it’s not just because his eyes are perpetually wide open. He’s really taking me in, you know? And that’s what it feels like to be cared for and I’m learning that. Seeing the whites of his eyes completely and indefinitely is proof that he’s aware, awake, and with me.
Except when he’s elsewhere because sometimes he’s busy and that’s his prerogative.
He only comes to my place because when his ex-girlfriend used to come to his place, she would do unreasonable things like ask him to watch a TV show he didn’t want to watch or say something annoying like, “Can you pause Mr. Beast for a second while I tell you about my workday?” so he would roll his eyes and then they would get stuck there, sometimes for weeks, so it’s just safer if he comes to my place instead and I don’t know where he lives.
Look, I know what love is and this is it: a man whose ears move when he looks at me, can barely open his mouth, and whose eyes never close completely while he heals from a previous disappointing relationship. I know it will be challenging to coexist with a man who knows heartbreak, but he’s worth it to me. And he’s mine until the world ends or his batteries go out—whichever comes second.
