Writers, Please Avoid Using the Following Forbidden Literary Devices

Postshadowing: The author leaves clues that something is about to happen, but after it’s already happened.
Metafar: The author compares two things without using the words “like” or “as,” but it’s frankly a bit of a stretch.
Gallegory: Everything in a story represents something else, but only for the ladies. Men still have to read it literally.
Reverse Euphemism: The author says something that’s fine, but you wish they didn’t say it that way.
Double Personification: An author treats an inanimate object as if it’s two, equally important people.
Flashdown: The author briefly leaves the action for a character to remember something that happened underneath them.
Sniperbole: The author uses exaggerated language to express something very precisely from an extreme distance.
Fore!-shadowing: The author uses clues to indicate that they’ve just hit a golf ball in the reader’s direction.
Double simile: The author compares two things but throws in some extra “like”s and “as”‘s just to keep you on your toes.
Phemism: The author says something in a way that’s not better or worse, just different.
Wilsonification: An author portrays an inanimate object as if it were a person, specifically, the kind of person who would be named Wilson.
Pallegory: All the elements in a story have a second meaning, just for you, because you’re such a good customer.
Cluephemism: The author refers to an unpleasant or indecent topic using a web of clues that take the reader from a tomb in Egypt all the way to the streets of Hong Kong on a nail-biting investigation where nothing is as it seems.
Pied-piperbole: The author uses exaggerated language to lure the children of a faithless German town into the river.
Megaphor: Without using “like” or “as,” an author simultaneously compares 220 things.
Eightshadowing: An author leaves clues in a text that something is about to be foreshadowed.
Allegary: Every element in the story represents someone whose name is Gary.
Lingerback: A character remembers a past event but incredibly slowly.
Masonification: An author treats an inanimate object as if it’s an experienced stoneworker who they’ve hired to do their countertops.
Emitaphor: The author compares two things without using “like” or “as,” and also, one of the things is a death ray which silently kills any person anywhere in the world.
Simileagory: Every element in the story represents something else, and each and every one of them is directly compared using “like” or “as.”
Flashbot: A giant robot which powered by the tension created when the author briefly leaves the action to show something a character remembers.
Simule: The author uses a computer to create tangible holograms, indistinguishable from real objects, except for the fact that they are always accompanied by “like” and “as.”
Subduephemism: The author uses polite language to hide the fact that they are destroying all the fools who dared to laugh.
Viperbole: The author uses exaggerated language to distract the reader from the poisonous snakes released into their room.
Allosaury: The author commands an army of genetically recreated dinosaurs all of whom represent something.
Fireshadowing: The author uses clues to warn world leaders that if they do not receive five hundred million dollars by noon tomorrow, five highly populated cities will be consumed by fire.
Reverse Personification: The author treats all humans like the insects that they are. Hahahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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