It’s Very Postmodern

If I had to describe this piece in one word, I’d say that it’s very postmodern.

What’s interesting about postmodernism is that it’s not before modernism. It’s not even during modernism, like while it’s happening, but it’s after modernism. Some people might ask, how long after modernism is it? A few hours? A few days? Let me put it this way, it’s so past modernism that if you looked back, even with high-quality binoculars, all you would see is a tiny dot. You’d have to squint, and even while squinting, you’d still be like, huh, that is honestly crazy how tiny that is.

Speaking of, I’d have to say that out of all the movements in history, postmodernism is my favorite movement. The reason is because it is the most moving movement. Other movements don’t move as much and it’s, frankly, embarrassing because aren’t you supposed to be a movement? Postmodernism as a movement is not motionless. It is not stationary.

How do I describe it simply? You know those street performers? Like that guy who’s covered in gold spray paint to make him look like a statue and he somehow doesn’t move a muscle even when you come up super close and put your finger up to his nostril in a jokey way, like you’re about to pick his nose? You know that guy? Well, the postmodernism movement is basically the opposite of him.

It’s common knowledge that objects can be postmodern, of course, like this piece. Or a house. Or a dumpster. Or a tax return. But, what a lot of people don’t know is that all children under five who have severe nut allergies are also postmodern. Don’t ask me why. I wasn’t the genius who created postmodernism.

You didn’t ask, but yes, the discourse surrounding postmodernism is comprehensive, and here are some recommendations I have. You can’t go wrong with Professor Smart’s thesis, Knock, Knock, Who’s There? Post. Post, Who? Postmodernism, duh. Or Professor Brain’s revered text that won her the 2008 Pulitzer Prize, Postmodernism: It’s Like, So Much More After Than You Think. But, I’d have to say I’m in the traditional camp of thought. There’s no more thoroughly researched and comprehensive piece of literature than the classic, Postmodernism: Don’t Forget the Eggs by Professor Genius. It’s the one where the cover artwork is just a book with a post-it note on it and on that post-it note, it has the word “modernism” written on it. And then, under the word “modernism” there’s a short grocery list, as if the post-it had been originally used for that purpose. And one of the items on the list is “eggs.” You’ll recognize it based on how aesthetically postmodern the cover art is.

This is random, but a fun fact about postmodernism that I love is that it was the singular inspiring force behind the development of putting peanut butter into dogs’ mouths so it looks like they’re talking. I bet you didn’t know that.

Another opinion I have and will now say is that I think there has not been a movement such as postmodernism that has more inspired such a wide range of artists. Obviously, the first person who comes to mind is Post Malone. I mean, his name is literally derived from the word itself. And if you ever listen to the lyrics of any of his songs, like really listen, you’ll hear him reference his muse every now and then. His most famous example of this is, of course, his classic lyric, “Hundred bands in my pocket, it’s on me (on me) / Yeah, your grandmama probably know me (know me) / Get more bottles, these bottles are postmodern.”

I’m sorry for rambling. It’s just, when I look at this piece, it really ignited my love for postmodernism and I just had to speak at you about it for a really, really long time.

But, to answer your original question, yes, I am from Chicago.

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