Crest Introduces New Ham And Cheese Whitening Sandwiches
CINCINNATI—Claiming its latest product was recommended by nine out of 10 deli guys, oral hygiene mainstay Crest announced Wednesday it had launched a new line of ham…
Worst Pieces Of Sex Advice From Women’s Magazines
While publications like Cosmopolitan might seem like infallible sources of coital knowledge, the truth is, many of the tips they give are downright disgusting, dangerous, and wrong….
World’s Issues Come To Halt So Area Woman Can Deal With Her Own Problems
PORTLAND, ME—Conceding that they had been piling up lately in an unsustainable way, the world’s issues, domestic and international, reportedly came to a halt Wednesday so that…
My Son Is a Baby and He Looks Nothing like Me
As the proud father of a newborn boy, my life is filled with equal parts stress and bliss. To have been a part of the creation of…
Cats Kill Thousands Of Species Across The World
A paper published in Nature Communications reported that more than 2,000 species, 350 of which are of conservation concern, have been hunted by free-ranging domestic cats, with…
YOU CAN’T MISS THIS HOUSE!!!
After 14 weeks, this horrible property has attracted no interest, SO THAT’S WHY WE’RE USING ALL CAPS AND FAR TOO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!! Yes, we’re willing to…
Eye Transplant Recipient Shrieks After Doctors Implant Organ Facing Inward At Brain
NEW YORK—Panicking in the wake of a would-be groundbreaking surgical procedure, an eye transplant recipient reportedly began shrieking Tuesday after doctors accidentally implanted his new eye facing…