Nation’s Sick Freaks Announce Plans To Get Off On That
NEW YORK—Moaning with pleasure as they revealed that this was exactly what Daddy needed, the nation’s sick freaks held a press conference Friday to announce their plans…
Study Finds More Americans Commuting To Work Splattered On Grill Of F-150
WASHINGTON—In a trend that is reducing the nation’s dependence on fossil fuels by curtailing the total number of cars on the road, a study released Thursday by…
‘It’s Me, Pinocchio,’ Announces Child Holding Recently Used Plunger Up To Face
GAITHERSBURG, MD—Pressing the recently used and dripping wet plunger up to his mouth and nose, local child Caden Liu announced, “It’s me, Pinocchio,” on Thursday. “Look, Daddy,…
Wendy’s To Begin Testing Surge Pricing
Beginning in 2025, Wendy’s will begin testing surge pricing, also known as dynamic pricing, a strategy that raises and lowers prices in response to real-time demand, as…
Why Gen Z Is Obsessed With This Enchanting Woodwind Tune That Lures Them Into The Woods In The Dark Of Night
Read more… The Onion
Multiple Food Safety Checkpoints Missed Lead-Tainted Applesauce Pouches
According to documents recently obtained by The New York Times, lead-tainted applesauce pouches passed through multiple checkpoints meant to protect the public for weeks before the issue…
Disney Unveils New Mass Grave Where Fans Can Be Buried Alive With Favorite Characters Forever
Read more… The Onion
The Funniest Single-Panel Comics by Jason Adam Katzenstein (Part 2)
Jason Adam Katzenstein is an American illustrator, cartoonist, and writer. He is known for his work in The New Yorker, and has also authored and illustrated book…
It’s AT&T, We Apologize for Thursday’s Outage and Also Why Won’t You Talk to Me!?
“It’s AT&T. We apologize for Thursday’s outage, which may have impacted you. As a valued customer, your connection matters and we are committed to doing better.” —…
Record Number Of U.S. 40-Year-Olds Never Married
According to a report from the Pew Research Center, a quarter of 40-year-olds in the U.S. have never been married, making it the first time in history…