Mad Libs for a Best-Selling Romantasy Epic

I sometimes forgot the                          [title of male royal or nobility] was                          [number over 300] years old. He’d been through worse than I could imagine, and now it was all my fault we were stuck in the dangerous                          [cardinal direction] Territory with his sworn enemy, on the precipice of war.

The two men                          [verb meaning aggressive animal noise] at each other. Right, not men. I stepped in between the two                          [magical creatures]. “Please. Cease this rivalry. We must stand united against the                          [Latin word + -ians].” I barely came up to their                          [body parts], but I was not afraid.

I was no longer the naive mortal girl I was when I arrived at the academy. I laughed, remembering how terrified I was to first ride a                          [flying mythological beast]. Now, there was another creature I longed to ride,                          [normal man’s name except all vowels replaced with Ys]. Even when he was a hundred                          [historical distance measurement] away, I could feel his dark energy pulling me toward him. And now he was so near it was overwhelming.

He was nothing like the gentle                          [title of male royal or nobility]. How could I feel so attracted to them both? One soft as                          [type of fabric], the other hard as                         [precious metal]. Finally, they both resheathed their                          [phallic weapons]. A temporary truce. Thank the goddesses.

We quickly cast a shroud of protection around the                          [flowery adjective] clearing. If I couldn’t learn to use my powers by                          [sunrise/sunset], everyone in the                         [medieval-sounding land region] would be dead.

I didn’t believe in the prophecy, but the ancient                          [object with written] had proved true so far. We had acquired the fabled                          [ornamental container], even if we couldn’t unlock it. I could feel it                          [loud -ing verb].

I looked down, realizing I had torn the beautiful new                          [obscure color] dress that                          [popular ’90s girl’s name with the first letter changed to Z] gave me. I sent her a/an                          [old-timey version of a text message like a raven or mind message]. She would be relieved to know we were safe, even if she was busy protecting the                          [large place to live].

Meanwhile, the                          [title of male royal or nobility] went off to hunt for something to eat. I was finally alone with                          [normal man’s name except all vowels replaced with Ys]. “You’re bleeding,” I noticed. The evil                          [undead being]                           [military rank] had sliced open his rippling abs, spilling blood the color of                           [one of seven deadly sin].

He took off his tunic. I bit down on my lip and looked away from the battle                          [body marking like a scar or tattoo] covering his muscled back. “You don’t have to look away,” he.                         [sexier synonym for “said”]. I met his eyes, which glinted like                          [type of precipitation] in the bright                          [type of natural light].

I dressed his wounds, ever aware of how close we were. I could feel the heat radiating off his body. His breath on my                          [archaic word for a body part]. Involuntarily, my back arched. My body wanted his. And I could see that his wanted mine; his                          [euphemism for penis] betraying him.

My breath caught in my                          [organ]. “We should start a fire.” He raised a brow, taunting, a            [letter of the alphabet] -shaped grin spreading onto his face. “Not that kind of fire,” I chided. Besides, the wood was too                          [adjective implying “wetness”].

Before things could go further, the                          [title of male royal or nobility] returned and guilt washed over me. I needed to be preparing to fight, not lusting after a common                         [type of criminal].

Suddenly, the                          [species of tree] rustled in the breeze, then went still. Too still. War was here.

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