Mad Libs for a Best-Selling Romantasy Epic

I sometimes forgot the                          [title of male royal or nobility] was                          [number over 300] years old. He’d been through worse than I could imagine, and now it was all my fault we were stuck in the dangerous                          [cardinal direction] Territory with his sworn enemy, on the precipice of war.

The two men                          [verb meaning aggressive animal noise] at each other. Right, not men. I stepped in between the two                          [magical creatures]. “Please. Cease this rivalry. We must stand united against the                          [Latin word + -ians].” I barely came up to their                          [body parts], but I was not afraid.

I was no longer the naive mortal girl I was when I arrived at the academy. I laughed, remembering how terrified I was to first ride a                          [flying mythological beast]. Now, there was another creature I longed to ride,                          [normal man’s name except all vowels replaced with Ys]. Even when he was a hundred                          [historical distance measurement] away, I could feel his dark energy pulling me toward him. And now he was so near it was overwhelming.

He was nothing like the gentle                          [title of male royal or nobility]. How could I feel so attracted to them both? One soft as                          [type of fabric], the other hard as                         [precious metal]. Finally, they both resheathed their                          [phallic weapons]. A temporary truce. Thank the goddesses.

We quickly cast a shroud of protection around the                          [flowery adjective] clearing. If I couldn’t learn to use my powers by                          [sunrise/sunset], everyone in the                         [medieval-sounding land region] would be dead.

I didn’t believe in the prophecy, but the ancient                          [object with written] had proved true so far. We had acquired the fabled                          [ornamental container], even if we couldn’t unlock it. I could feel it                          [loud -ing verb].

I looked down, realizing I had torn the beautiful new                          [obscure color] dress that                          [popular ’90s girl’s name with the first letter changed to Z] gave me. I sent her a/an                          [old-timey version of a text message like a raven or mind message]. She would be relieved to know we were safe, even if she was busy protecting the                          [large place to live].

Meanwhile, the                          [title of male royal or nobility] went off to hunt for something to eat. I was finally alone with                          [normal man’s name except all vowels replaced with Ys]. “You’re bleeding,” I noticed. The evil                          [undead being]                           [military rank] had sliced open his rippling abs, spilling blood the color of                           [one of seven deadly sin].

He took off his tunic. I bit down on my lip and looked away from the battle                          [body marking like a scar or tattoo] covering his muscled back. “You don’t have to look away,” he.                         [sexier synonym for “said”]. I met his eyes, which glinted like                          [type of precipitation] in the bright                          [type of natural light].

I dressed his wounds, ever aware of how close we were. I could feel the heat radiating off his body. His breath on my                          [archaic word for a body part]. Involuntarily, my back arched. My body wanted his. And I could see that his wanted mine; his                          [euphemism for penis] betraying him.

My breath caught in my                          [organ]. “We should start a fire.” He raised a brow, taunting, a            [letter of the alphabet] -shaped grin spreading onto his face. “Not that kind of fire,” I chided. Besides, the wood was too                          [adjective implying “wetness”].

Before things could go further, the                          [title of male royal or nobility] returned and guilt washed over me. I needed to be preparing to fight, not lusting after a common                         [type of criminal].

Suddenly, the                          [species of tree] rustled in the breeze, then went still. Too still. War was here.

Read More 

Related Posts

The Funniest Single-Panel Comics by Will McPhail

There’s nothing like funny and clever cartoons to brighten up our day. Once a zoology student, Will McPhail is now regularly drawing for the world-famous The New…

Newsom Orders Removal Of Homeless Encampments

California Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) issued an executive order calling on state officials to begin taking down homeless encampments, buoyed by a recent U.S. Supreme Court decision…

Paris Opening Ceremony Features Tedious 45-Minute Discussion Of Godard’s Early Works

PARIS—With more than a billion viewers tuning in from around the world only to find themselves watching a panel of French film scholars and critical theorists, the…

Team USA’s Arrival In France Leaves American Basketball Rims Largely Unguarded

WASHINGTON—Warning that interior defenses were spread too thin, experts confirmed this week that Team USA’s arrival in France for the Olympics had left America’s own basketball rims…

Steven Spielberg Apologizes For Removing Kiss Between E.T., Elliott

LOS ANGELES—In a bombshell interview that has divided the movie’s fans and set the internet ablaze, director Steven Spielberg apologized Friday for removing a kiss between E.T….

The Funniest Single-Panel Comics by John King

Meet the artist John King who is behind the comic series Fruit Gone Bad. In a world where broccoli can cuss and potatoes can have passionate sex,…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *